From:    heb_roots_chr@mail.geocities.com
To:      "Hebraic Heritage Newsgroup"<heb_roots_chr@geocities.com>
Date:    Mon, 29 Dec 1997 03:45:49 +0000
Subject: Looking for a good Christian Leader

From:          Mark R. Ensign
To:              heb_roots_chr@geocities.com
Subject:       PASTOR SEARCH COMMITTEE REPORT - Satirical



                    PASTOR SEARCH COMMITTEE REPORT

     In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet 
was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the 
committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. The 
list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each, 
should you be interested in investigating them further for future pastoral 
placements.

NOAH: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.

MOSES: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his 
                temper over trivial things.

ABRAHAM: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got 
                     into trouble with the authorities and then tried 
                     to lie his way out.

DAVID: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been 
              considered for minister of music had he not 'fallen.'

SOLOMON: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he 
                      preaches.

ELIJAH: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under 
                pressure.

HOSEA: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried to a 
               prostitute.

JEREMIAH: He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real 'pain in the 
                      neck.'

AMOS: Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.

JOHN: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a 
             hippie. Would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.

PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ 
               publicly.

PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, His appearance is 
             contemptible, and he preaches far too long.

TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for the 
                   position.

JESUS: He tends to offend church members with his preaching, 
               especially  Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He 
               even offended the search committee with his pointed 
               questions.

JUDAS: He seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, 
               cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed 
               that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as 
               our  Senior Pastor.

Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our pastoral 
search.

David Anderson, PhD
Committee chairman

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